There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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