I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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