He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
