My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
