I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Can't talk, ducks in the car
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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