When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
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