I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i was born a porn star she said
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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