well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Randomize
