there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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