really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
only you would photoshop your dick
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Randomize
