My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Need sex. Gaining weight.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
