im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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