i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
