Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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