Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
