I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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