They should really pass out barf bags in church
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
