so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
