Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
