Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
