Pappa wants mamma naked
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
