I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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