quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
