I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Boobs are out for the taking
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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