i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
So much Jack, so little girl.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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