my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
