She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
The Olympian is in my bed
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
