he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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