the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
