Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
