i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Randomize
