i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I have post one night stand depression
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
