i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
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i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
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I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Shame is for Republicans.
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