Please, let me fuck your mom
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
How external is "for external use only"?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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