if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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