careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
