i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
