We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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