Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
