he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
