kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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