This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
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