there was a trapeze. enough said
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
