dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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