I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
