he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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