Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
