The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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