so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
