I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
