yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
