it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
