The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
