Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
