haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
