Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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