Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
