please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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