I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
