I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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