we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
