I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
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