when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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