you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
