It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
