Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
