Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
